There is a principle that helps to understand the cause and effect between two related things. This is called the Pareto principle and it states that 80% of the results of an action can be attributed to 20% of the cause. It is most likely where we get the phrase “work smarter, not harder”. Unfortunately, for the perfectionist that always tries to get 100% and do 100%, rather than coming to understand that maybe 80% of the result is good enough and spending that extra 80%, to gain that extra 20% of results may not be worth it. Since perfection is usually a moving target, the people with perfection as a goal probably don’t realise that they could improve more and get closer to their ultimate goals, if they spent their times trying to improve rather than to get everything perfect every time. The time it takes to get to that level is time that could be spent learning what it would take to get another project to that 80% completion and so on.
Is it always 80/20? Not always, but it comes close. There are a lot of examples a quick google search can reveal, but not the point I want to bring here so I’m just going to say there are enough examples to keep this in mind, because often the perfectionist will exhaust themselves (and maybe those around them) trying to reach an unreachable goal. This principle is often used by successful people to help them determine what is vital in a task and what can be delegated or just let go.
So how can people use this principle to help themselves? Learning this principle can help the perfectionist understand how to be more efficient with their time. Learn to let go of what is unrealistic and work better with others as well. It is often used in a business or economic context but can apply to multiple contexts as well. A useful skill to learn for everyone, actually, and not just the perfectionist.
It is important to understand that this 20 and 80 percent is a cause and effect so 20 percent of the task in a day will have 80% of the results. So it actually does not mean you can also put less effort into that 20%. There needs to be a balance between using this principle and getting through the rest of what you need to do, even if they don’t quite fit into the 80/20 rule.
The same applies in creativity. A perfectionist can spend ages on a piece and stop learning or improving the piece after a certain point. Sometimes they need an external eye if they are unsatisfied with their art and don’t know how to fix it. So focusing on the 20% of the parts that will get the piece 80% done and then either moving on if it isn’t working or you learned what you needed to learn and then depending on the scenario or what you want to achieve push a little more, but maybe not spend another 80% of time on it that will only get you 20% of results… it may not be worth it and you don’t learn as much at this stage anyway. This applies to any creative endeavor as well. It is a balancing act, but one that is important to learn in order to be successful.
Tips to manage perfectionism and harness its perceived strengths.
In addition to understanding the Pareto principle, there are other tips and tricks that can help improve your management techniques if perfectionism is problematic for you.
- Seek help: Because of all the negative health and mental health that can develop because of this trait it is important to seek professional help. Even if it is somewhat more difficult for certain types of perfectionists to do so, it may be beneficial to try (and not all perfectionists have the therapy issues). They can help with understanding of the issues, can give techniques to help cope and can help improve self-compassion and self-care strategies that can reduce the negative impacts that being perfectionist can generate.
- Improving self-awareness: Some perfectionists aren’t even aware how their behaviour affects others and can be limiting them and their progress. It can be a sensitive issue if the person you are trying to approach is giving their all for something. But gently reminding them what is important, when they get lost in the details can be useful. They are doing good work, but can lose site of the forest for the trees. It is important to acknowledge that the work they are doing is already very good and that their talents are needed elsewhere can also work in some cases. Paying attention to your thoughts and realising when a thought is all or nothing can be freeing. Being the best at everything is not required to be loved or worthy of your friends and family.
- Understanding the cost of their actions: If perfectionists get too involved in a project it is very easy for them to ignore things like deadlines, like budgets (in a work environment) or if a perfectionist is a freelancer they can miss out on opportunities because they are stuck in their finishing loops. So even doing a cost-benefit analysis can be a dry way to do it but can be helpful in developing awareness.
- Understanding feedback: For a lot of perfectionist, feedback is negative and even if meant constructively, learning how to handle criticism and learning that feedback isn’t personal in most cases but only to help someone learn and grow (as long as it stays constructive). Learning how to give constructive feedback is also important for the perfectionist that gets frustrated by the mistakes of others. Also learning when to give some and when to let go is just as important to this understanding.
- Confronting the fear of failure: This can be a very hard one, as confronting and understanding fear usually is. It is important to do for this type of perfectionist because failure is an important part of growth and if they never risk or learn from their mistake, they’ll stay stagnant and won’t reach the potential they would actually be capable of if their perfectionism didn’t get in the way.
- Practice self-compassion: By being kinder to ourselves and attentive to ourselves we can be better aware of our thoughts, emotions and needs and this in turn helps to reduce fear and to reduce the self-critical thoughts that can lead to perfectionism in the first place.
- Learning to stay flexible: Even when plans change, for a perfectionist this can be a definite challenge. But there are ways to learn to be more flexible and become more resilient to the unpredictability of life. Mixing up routines, improvising and letting someone else take the lead when you are very used to leading can help practice flexibility.
- Increase your tolerance to mistakes: Expose yourself gradually (with a therapist, if needed) and put yourself gradually in situations you would avoid because of your perfectionism. For example, spend less time reviewing a post and then correct it after people have already seen it. Or just admit a flaw to a friend or colleague. This will help improve your tolerance and can even increase happiness in the long run.
- The reality: the reality is that we all make mistakes, and accepting reality can be a challenge but an important one.
- Stop double and triple checking your work: if this is you, then learning when enough is enough not only will save you time for more important things; it can help boost your confidence and reduce your anxiety.
- If you ruminate on your mistakes or negative thoughts, then the goal here is to stop it. The trick here is to acknowledge the thought and thank your brain for trying to protect you but you don’t need it and let the thought go. Don’t take everything your brain says as fact. Not easy but worth the work to put in. And be kind to yourself if it doesn’t work at first.
- Being overly critical and comparing yourself to others: Both are not the best behaviours when self-esteem is low and for the perfectionist can lead to even worse and negative behaviours and health issues. Stopping this is a priority for someone with perfectionism. Interrupting these thoughts with what you want to do and what you need to do in the present moment can help. You can also train your brain to look for similarities between you and others instead of differences.
- Sticking to rigid rules and routines is problematic for the perfectionist, because it is an escape mechanism to help control anxiety and fear and feel an artificial sense of control. If the idea of changing a rule or routine makes you anxious then focus on this one to slowly change it so that flexibility becomes easier and changes become less stressful.
I hope you found this topic interesting. I will reiterate that perfectionism is a trait not an issue by itself, but if it is having a negative impact on yourself or others, it is important to take the time to work on this. It is important to get help if needed and stay flexible in your approach. If I have one take away in all that I’ve learned over the past few weeks, it is to be kinder to myself.
What is yours? Thank you for reading,
“The pursuit of perfection often impedes improvement.”
– George Will
Resources
https://science.ubc.ca/students/blog/how-to-increase-your-productivity-by-doing-less
https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2016/03/07/80-20-rule/?sh=719e250c3814
https://asana.com/resources/pareto-principle-80-20-rule
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