Why can’t we keep New Year’s Resolution?

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It’s that time of year. A lot of people take this passing into a new calendar as a time of new beginnings. The old year is over and with the new year comes new chances to do what we want. Our intentions are good. Lose the excess weight gained during the holidays. Learn a new language, learn a new skill, eat healthier, work on sleeping habits… Kick a negative habit. These are things we find important otherwise we would not make resolutions every year. How many of us actually manage to keep them more than a month? 

So why do we not stick to these when we made them because they are important to us? There are many reasons, and I will cover a few here. There are a lot of resources that talk about this subject. It is just something we do every year. Most of us will fail and understanding why can help us figure out a way to succeed. Just as when I mentioned how to achieve success (see here), these resolutions are personal and can be as varied as we are. There are, however, commonalities that come up with successful vs unsuccessful resolution-taking.

I do the same thing. I try to be more creative year after year. I also want to be healthier: with exercise, losing weight, eating healthier, sleeping more, and so on. The traditional resolutions that come back year after year. And I’m not the only one. Only about a quarter of those surveyed in a study managed to keep all of their resolutions. If you count only one resolution kept, then that number climbs somewhat but does not pass 40% of people.

There are many reasons why we do not keep these resolutions and I will try to summarize a few here.

  1. Imposed on us: by friends, by family, by society. Unfortunately, if it doesn’t come from a place that is important to us, if it’s something that tries to completely change our personality it may be too hard to sustain. Changing habits, learning skills and changing who we are, is do-able but very difficult. If we don’t have the inner motivation to stick to it and don’t work on the resolution in a way that is in line with what we value, then we fail. Interestingly, an article I read mentioned that those that managed to keep their resolutions were on average older than those that did not. I wonder if it’s because as we get older, and have tried and failed these resolutions year after year, we know ourselves better, we know what works better and what doesn’t and can find that motivation in a way that is sustainable for more than a few weeks.
  2. Comparison: Because we are social creatures, we tend to compare ourselves to others in order not to stick out too much. We see others who are farther ahead of us in their respective journeys and we give up, because as we compare we think we’ll never get there and it looks so easy for them. However, we never have the full picture in mind when we think this. How much time to they put into what you are trying to do and how much time do you have to try? Keep that in mind… There is this misconception that artists are “out there” and wouldn’t have this problem, but that is untrue. We do compare ourselves to other artists, especially those in a similar style and it makes my resolutions of improving my craft that much harder…
  3. Unrealistic: It is important that the resolutions we set ourselves are attainable. They can’t be too hard, but neither can they be too easy. If it’s too hard to reach, we give up. If it’s too easy, we can get bored with it and start to procrastinate so much it turns into abandonment (we just don’t go back to it). Humans are bad at determining how much time a task will take, how much time it takes to learn an instrument (for example) or how to draw. Some concepts and problems are really complex, and it can become overwhelming especially when there is so much information (think what an industry weight loss is to have an idea of what I mean).
  4. Self-doubt: This in the context of resolutions means: I’m doing what everyone else is doing but I secretly don’t believe I can keep at it for more then a few weeks so I give a token effort and then I judge myself harshly. “This is so hard…” “I’m too bad at this…” “There is no point…” “Why can’t I do it?”  These thoughts spiral and inevitably lead to stopping at even the first minor setback.
  5. Execution: Sometimes we have a resolution that is in line with our values, we have the confidence to do it, it’s realistic, and we don’t even look at what others are doing, but we still fail. Often the reason in this case is that we don’t know how to take the proper steps in order to achieve what we want. We get lost and give up. We have no accountability, no tracking or review of what we are doing and what works and what doesn’t, and we don’t plan well enough.

Next week I will go into how we can improve our chances to achieve our resolutions. These points on what doesn’t work can already give us hints about what those can be. Have you made resolutions this year? What do you think your biggest block to achieving it might be? There are many more reasons (including lack of time and changing circumstances) but I think these would fit into next week’s article just as well if not better.

Thank you for reading!

“Resolutions require only words. Results take actions.”

– Tony Robbins

Resources

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/how-to/six-reasons-why-your-new-year-resolutions-dont-work/articleshow/88658576.cms?from=mdr

https://www.muhealth.org/our-stories/why-it-so-hard-keep-resolutions-and-how-change-your-ways

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57 Comments

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